Tips to improve your people skills and your overall personality
Introduction
Did did you know in 1890 the famous harvard psychologist William James wrote a book called the principles of psychology. In that book he claimed that personality was set in plaster by early adulthood. This viewpoint remained popular for over a century, think about that you were either born with certain traits like people skills and leadership skills or not and if not there was nothing you could do to change it. The idea that personality can be improved and developed is a fairly recent one, thankfully things have changed. Researchers in epigenetics now believe that you can even affect which genes become active and which ones stay dormant by modifying your behavior. So, you are no longer the prisoner of your genes. You have the ability to reinvent yourself. Suppose you were born as a natural people and if you worked on it, you too can develop this vital aspect of your personality called people skills, the ability to effectively work with other human beings, which is even more important than your ability to work with cutting edge technology.
You see technology doesn’t run the world, people do. Technology is just an enabler, it’s people who make decisions, it’s people who call the it and if you’re not able to collaborate, connect and communicate effectively with your fellow human beings you will miss out on so many opportunities in your career and business and no amount of technical skills can make up for that deficit of people skills. so let’s jump right into it 10 tips to improve your people skills and your overall personality and are really actionable and can help you take your people skills and your overall personality to the next level.
1. Listen Intently
You know what, the best gift you can give to others in a digital distracted world is the gift of your undivided attention. Becoming a good listener will help you build rapport and understanding with other people. You will become more patient in the process and your responses will become more relevant and specific. In a world obsessed with tooting your own horn, good listeners stand out and command the attention and respect of others.
2. Read to Learn
I love this quote by american journalist Margaret Fuller, who said “today a reader tomorrow a leader”. Develop the habit of reading on diverse subjects, the key word here is diverse. You know when we read we explore new areas of knowledge, our mind expands and gets exposed to various situations especially when you’re reading fiction, your brain would be under an MRI scan you’ll see different parts of your brain would light up, you’re doing a lot of scenario building, what if thinking there’s so much going on, that’s why i always prefer reading over watching, which i believe is a more passive activity. Reading helps you become a balanced and a more well-rounded personality, improves multiple cognitive abilities such as critical thinking, creativity, problem solving. Overall I believe reading makes you an interesting person to be around and apart from books, also develop the the art and the habit of reading people as well, and you will soon realize that reading books was way easier than reading people. What sets apart, reading people, listening to their stories, observing human behavior and reading in general on diverse subjects is going to enrich your personality.
3. Talk to People
Talk to people, initiate conversations and be at your conversational best. If you don’t talk to strangers you’ll never make new friends. Now we were conditioned to believe as young kids don’t talk to strangers, don’t talk to strangers, but we know the truth, if we don’t talk to strangers we never make any new friends. So, enter into as many conversations as you possibly can. You see some things cannot be learned theoretically. Swimming cannot be learned theoretically, leadership cannot be learned theoretically. You must jump into the pool to learn swimming. You must be with people to in order to influence them and understand them, so that you can lead them. In the same way a great conversation can teach you so much more than any book ever will. A great conversation can inspire, inform and ignite new ideas. Learning to start and have a deep meaningful enriching conversation is an art and it’s an art that you can master with practice.
4. Improve Your Voice Tone
Become aware of the tone of your voice. You see many people complain about how others reacted unfairly to something trivial that they might have said. Oh, i didn’t even say anything, I don’t know why he reacted so much well, only a few sat down to reflect on what they might have done to provoke that response. The meaning of communication is the response that you get, so if you don’t get the desired response, that means your communication was not on track. The essence of communication is getting the response that you want. All communication is directed towards a certain response. If you’re not getting the response that you wanted i think it’s time to self-reflect, i bet nine times out of ten the reason for overreaction or from somebody else is usually the tone of your voice or your body language. Something so subtle at a subconscious level that you probably wouldn’t even notice, an offensive tone will do far more damage to your relationships than bad language ever will. Now that doesn’t mean you go about using for language. On the contrary we are very careful about the words we use but not about but the tone of our voice. So, be mindful of the tone of your voice.
5. I am enough
I am enough, this is coming from Marissa Peer who’s the founder of the Rapid Transformational Therapy. If you are treating others with respect, you should start by treating yourself with respect, be comfortable with who you are and affirm frequently that you are enough. Becoming a people pleaser is the wrong strategy to develop your people skills. On the contrary if you love and respect yourself and enjoy your own company others will too. Be yourself perhaps. Ralph Waldo Emerson who is an Amercian Philospher, said “Best to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else”, that is the greatest greatest achievement.
6. Be Positive
When was the last time you were with someone optimistic. I’m sure it was probably a long time ago. When was the last time you were with someone who was constantly complaining and whining. I’m pretty sure this is likely to be very very recent because that’s what the statistics say. One out of two is a constant complainer. So, if it’s not you, it’s probably the person sitting next to you. But quick question here who would you rather spend time, with the optimist or the complainer, the lifter or the leaner. Here’s the thing, positivity is infectious, the moment you are in the presence of a positive person, you feel an instant increase in the levels of energy and dynamism. Be that positive person, smile warmly, remain cheerful, look for solutions to problems, respond instead of reacting, brighten your life and of those around you. You see people will automatically be drawn to you because you are a rare species and that’s what positive people are these days a rare species.
7. Find the humor in small things in life
Lighter moments in life because they brighten it. You see everyone wants to be in the company of people who like to laugh and not take life too seriously, and you don’t need to be a stand-up comedian to inject a little humor here, and there in everyday situations, I suggest you practice mindfulness, being in the moment more often and you too can use these fleeting everyday moments to defuse stress even while you’re extremely busy. Happiness is a state of mind, what we need to do is to cultivate it. A good sense of humor is a top rated personality trait that draws other people to you in the words of Ella Wheeler Wilcox, who is an American author said “Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone”.
8. Be a Lifter
You see most of us want to succeed and expect support from others. Yet we never imagine ourselves in the position of a support provider or a lifter. The truth is everyone’s fighting their own battles and a kind word of recognition or a pat on the back or a smile to a stranger will go a long way to heal to uplift and connect. Be a lifter as well as a problem solver, these people will always be in demand ie the lifters and the problem solvers. You will find that there is way less competition than this club and you will always be in demand, because these folks they again are in the minority, the majority are leaners, the majority are complainers.
9. Treat Others with Respect
Golden rule is “treat other people as you would like to be treated”. But, platinum rule is “treat other people as they would like to be treated”. But learn to respect differences, if for those viewpoints don’t conform to yours. Don’t be disrespectful if they don’t look like you, worship the same god like you or eat like you, that’s not a reason to be rude. This quote by Maya Angelou who is an American activist says it, all i’ve learned that “people will forget what you said”. You see we have a short term memory when it comes to words. People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. So, be mindful of this because people will never forget how you made them feel. Be mindful. don’t judge books by their covers and when it comes to people don’t judge people at all. Instead read them like you’d read a good book and then you’ll have loads to learn from their successes and their mistakes and remember it’s the diversity of thoughts, backgrounds and cultures that ignites innovation. so welcome this diversity, embrace it, respect others and thrive in this diversity.
10. Develop an Interest in People
Develop a genuine interest in people including yourself. According to the Mckinsey Global Institute, as many as half of our current work activities have the potential to be automated. In a few decades from now, more than half of job activities that exist today will no longer be needed, will disappear altogether. I quote from the Mckinsey Global magazine, as Artificial Intelligence takes over many technical tasks, human-centric skills such as empathy, creativity, agility will increasingly take center stage and yet we take far more interest in the latest cutting edge technologies than we do in the good old-fashioned human beings that surround us. I’d say this is the wrong strategy. Make learning about people, leadership, communication and interpersonal skills, your top priority and just like learning technical skills you can acquire these skills too. But it’s not as simple as that. People don’t behave like gadgets in a linear way, people are unpredictable and that’s why this will be more challenging than learning how to write code in AI, for example and it’ll be more fun too. So, also remember to set up our time to learn about yourself. It’s funny how people these days know more about their mobile phones than they do about themselves. For example suppose i ask you to describe the 10 features of your new phone versus describing 10 of your strengths, I’m pretty sure you’ll do a terrific job explaining the phone but struggle with describing yourself.
No one’s perfect but the journey towards excellence starts with self-exploration. Aristotle has said this beautifully “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”, our ability to connect and engage with other people, their journey, begins by knowing yourself.
Conclusion
In closing, honor yourself, love yourself, learn to enjoy your own company, ensure your cup is overflowing, that will ensure that you fill other people up too, and not merely seek their company for approval or validation. I’ll leave you with this powerful quote from mahatma gandhi who said “as human beings our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world, that is the myth of the atomic age as in being able to remake ourselves”. Our greatness lies in our ability to remake, reinvent and transform ourselves. We all have the power to remake ourselves. Just start take small steps, create a plan stick with it and be consistent.